You're a Runner If...

...your toenails are black.

...you need a magnifying glass to see your name in the paper.

...you have chafing in strange places.

...people say, "You run three miles...at once?"

...all your socks are either stained or torn.

...you run farther in a week than your bus travels for meets.

...the most enjoyable time you've had all month is a day off from practice.

...the first day of practice you run 5 miles but your coach says you only ran 2.

...you can spit while running.

...you finish the race looking like you wrestled a bear and you don't care.

...your temper is shorter than the distance that you ran.

...you combine phrases like "10 mile run" and "Easy Run" in the same breath.

...you can eat your weight in spaghetti.

...your highest heels are your training shoes.

...you debate the advantages of anti-perspirant vs. deodorant.

...the paint from the bathroom walls peels when you leave.

...you have spit strings on your chin and you don't even care.

...a meal involves more than 3 servings!

...if you schedule dates around meets.

...you spend more on training clothes than school clothes.

...you wear those same training clothes to school regularly.

...your Christmas list includes more than one pair of running shoes.

...your entire family goes to X-C meets because they have been or will be on the team.

...you feel lost without your water-bottle.

...you have running withdrawal if you don't run everyday.

...you eat spaghetti three times a day.

...you wake up every morning in pain.

...Gatorade is your drink of choice.

...your Saturdays for the next 4 years are ruined.

...you can see your ribs through your shirt.

...you start to crave Power Bars.

...your favorite food group is carbohydrates.

...there are no flies by your gym locker.

...people think it's a winter sport.

...more than half the people you know don't know what X-C is.

...you have trouble benching the bar.

...you find yourself in the middle of a football player's joke.

...you foam at the mouth.

...you are always hungry.

...your running in your dreams.

...you have no life besides running.

...your weekends are shot.

...you wake up with cotton mouth.

...you can sharpen an axe blade on your calves.

...you think sprints is for wussies.

...you always stretch while waiting in the lunch line.

...your room smells like Icy-Hot and New-Skin.

...your girlfriend can bench more than you.

...you own spandex in more than 1 color.

...track is the other "sport".

..."Chariots of Fire" is actually entertaining to you.

...a 6 mile run is an easy day.

...pizza, pasta, pizza, & pasta are your four food groups.

...you aspire to pain.

...you know as many kinds of pain as Eskimos have words for snow.

...you think spandex is a winter's passion statement.

...you never look behind you.

...you don't know what an "off-season" means.

...you have stress fractures.

...you find yourself saying, "it's not really a hill..."

...you hit targets with your snot rocket.

...your feet are comparable to rawhide.

...you're running and you don't know why.

...your friends refer to you as "the masochist".

...your spit hits everything but the ground.

...the song "Bad Moon on the rise" sounds like "Bathroom on the Right."

...you drink more water than Free Willy

...you can't get the "All you can eat" at spaghetti restaurants

...you get pulled over after practice, and can't walk straight because you're so tired

...dogs follow you everywhere you go

...you laugh at sprinters while they run

...there's nothing like intervals to start the week off fresh!!

...you talk to your coaches more than your parents

...off-season training starts a week after Finals

...your calves are bigger than your biceps

...you try to pick up a girl by telling her how fast your first mile is.

...a fat man with a gun says "Alright gentlemen, take em off."

...you can't go a day without some little brat saying "run forest run".

...some little kid wants to know why you're running in your underwear.

...you can pronounce those funny Kenyan names.

...people always ask you what events you are running.

...you always win in your sleep but never in a real race.

...you wake up in the morning and find that you're already running.

...your sport is other sports' punishment.

...talking about the color of your piss comes as natural as talking about the weather.

...you have no qualms about taking a Sharpie and writing all over a brand new pair of $80 shoes.

...you have no qualms about throwing out those same shoes only a month after buying them.

...you can bounce quarters off your stomach but you have no abs.

...you get a haircut before a race but not before a big date.

...your feet look like you've spent 10 years in a Vietnamese POW camp.

...every road you drive on you think what a great hill workout this would be.

...a football game has 12:57 remaining and all you think is that would be awesome if that was my 5k PR.

...you don't laugh everytime you hear fartlek.

...you are from the US and you think in terms of meters, not feet or yards.

...all your white shirts have mud spots up the back of them.

...while everyone is sleeping you are up running, and while everyone is awake you are sleeping.

...you are up watching ESPN at 2am (when they actually show the race coverage).

...you know every PR you have run at every distance, even your friends', teammates', and idols' PRs.. to the tenth of a second, but you have trouble remembering things like your phone number or your mom's birthday.

...you feel one second is a lot of time.

...people are always asking if you're sick.

..."Forrest Gump" really pissed you off (like he wouldn't have gotten shin splints).

...you can't remember the last time you had 10 toenails.

...you figure out a way to carry toilet paper on your run.

...you think that a box of poptarts and a gulp of water is a complete meal!

...you know where the cheapest place for PowerBars is in your city.

...you actually use the trip odometer on your car for something besides seeing what kind of gas mileage your car is getting.

...you find out you know more about your body's physiology than most non-sports doctors.

...you eat all the junk food that there is and still weigh 119 pounds.

...you dont care when you hug a sweaty girl.

...you can sit in the cold whirlpool and still hope you will have 15 kids.

...your addicted to water and gatorade.

...you've map-quested a run to check the mileage.

...your watch tan is ten times better than your bathing suit tan.

...your short tan is visible from the top of the bleachers.

...you time anything and everything.

...getting new running shoes is the highlight of your week.

...you didn't go to mammoth to ski, mountain bike, backpack, shop, golf, or fish.

...you know everything there is to know about prefontaine